TGIF

On my lovely Friday, I had to lay six people off. That's right, six.

By 11AM, I had already downed a coke and several advil. Between the tears, the dirty looks, and the if-I-don't-make-eye-contact-then-maybe-its-not-me looks I got around the office, I needed it.

How was your friday??

Oops!!

Yesterday I realized it that it was almost the end of the month and I still hadn't contacted my girls for visiting teaching. I got new girls and a new partner this month so we decided that I would contact them and she would prepare a little lesson. Out of the three that we now visit, I have met one, and don't know the other two. And, based on previous experience, I've learned that people respond to a text message better than a voicemail. Keep in mind that I have never seen these girls in RS or Sacrament meeting so I don't know how active they are.

So, I started to text one of them. Her name is Sayward. My text said something like this:

"Hi Sayward! This is Alli and I am your new visiting teacher. Melinda and I were wondering if there is a time we can stop by and see you this week. Let me know what works best for you!"

After I sent it, I looked at the message again and didn't realize what that sneaky little predictive text had done. This is what was actually sent.

"Hi Wayward! This is Alli and I am your new visiting teacher. Melinda and I were wondering if there is a time we can stop by and see you this week. Let me know what works best for you!"

Wayward!! I think that is the WORST possible thing to send to someone that might be on the verge of inactivity! I didn't know if I should send something else apologizing or just hope that she might realize that on an iPhone, the "S" and "W" are right by each other on the keyboard. I chose the latter.

Needless to say, she never responded. Chalk one up for me being an idiot.

Can you imagine??

This my friends, is Kimi. Kimi had a brilliant idea on Friday which led us to Idaho Falls on Saturday at 7AM. Why, you ask? Oh, only to try out for the greatest show ever, The Amazing Race. I have been a fan of the show for a while and would pretty much die if I could be on it. The best thing about this "reality show" is that it isn't mean and degrading like the other shows out there. You don't get voted off for being weird or ugly. It is truly a race around the world and the best part is that you win 1 million dollars if you come in first!

The auditions were at a random Hampton Inn in IF and as we sat and waited with the other 40 couples trying out, Kimi and I were trying to fill out our applications. You have to write things about your partner like what you like, dislike, your pet peeves and what famous person you think you look like and who others think you look like. We were dying laughing as we were coming up with things for each other. We decided that I was stubborn and don't explain things well and that Kimi is flaky and doesn't listen to me. Our famous people were classic. I put that someone once thought I looked like Gisele Buncheon (a crazy lady in Soho) and Kimi put Estelle Getty. Not sure where that came from... What a pair they would make!



In turn, we had to do it for each other too, so I said that Kimi reminded me of Bette Midler and she said that I was Kelly Kapowski. Another classic pair.




After our two minutes in front of the camera and a drive by the Titantic museum (how random is that??), we made our way back to SL. Now it's just a waiting game...



I did become a little nervous as I was watching the show last night and one of the roadblocks was running a mile and a half in your underwear..Can you imagine the looks that we would get running down the street, sporting the g-force???

Seriously though, what would we do??? It REALLY made me nervous.

Let's talk about this...

So every Monday and Wednesday, I get the fun opportunity to go and tutor two little boys at Midvale Elementary. Gustavo is my first grader and Chris is my fourth grader. They have really become my little buddies and I look forward to reading with them each week. We read all kinds of books and I try to find things that they are interested in reading. With Gustavo, his reading level is lower so most of his books are about stupid things. Today, we read a book called Getting a Haircut. Not the most exciting book but it has the words that he needs to practice. As we were learning about a little girl and her day at the beautyshop, Gustavo seemed pretty uninterested. Then, we turned to the last page and I about died. See below.



I'm not sure we should be promoting mullets in the books that we let our kids read. This led to a very serious discussion about what a mullet is. I told Gustavo that they were gross and that even though they may be very popular in his culture, he should never have one. I made him pinky swear and I'm pretty sure I made my point. Just to be sure, we went over it again at the end of the lesson. Looks like dad needs a haircut too.

Donovan & GJ

Last night, I had the chance to go see these guys at the Depot. Both were looking super homeless but super attractive too which is all a little bit ironical. I don't know what it is about a guy and a guitar. He could be the ugliest guy in town but as soon as he starts singin', I'm a goner.

I honestly could have gone strictly to people watch. To be honest, I felt a little out of my element. A little different scene than FHE that we usually make an appearance at on Mondee nights. Between the 50-year-old drunk guys and the 40-year-old woman smoking pot next to us, we probably totally stuck out. And you should have seen the look on the bartender's face when I ordered a DC. Pretty sure we were the only ones there who weren't throwin' a few back. Regardless, it was a great show and was worth my hair smelling neat today because of my lack of time to wash it this morning.

Diaper Boy

I absolutely LOVE stories like this.

I wonder if he woke up and thought, "today I think I'll put on an adult-sized diaper, drive around til I find some kids, then pull my pants down to show them that I, a 31-year-old man, am wearing a diaper. Yeah....that sounds like fun."

What a weirdo.

Is THAT the reason why we are still single??

Let me paint a picture...It's a Saturday afternoon. Kelli(my VT coordinator AND friend) and I have been at the ward for 4 hours trying to split the RS and make new assignments for everyone. We sit in the clerk's office with a creepy heater that talks to us yet doesn't produce an ounce of heat. For weeks, we had planned on going sledding with a bunch of peeps and it was all supposed to go down that night. As we huddled around the computer, the feeling in our fingers left. We made an executive decision and decided that sledding was the LAST thing we wanted to do. We opted for dinner and movie instead.

We met at Kelli's house, 6 gals and the 2 guys we talked into hanging out with us. 4 out of the 6 gals had hats on which usually means one thing. We were showerless. To confirm it, I asked everyone to raise a hand if they hadn't showered that day. All hands went up. As we all started to laugh, the look on the boys' faces said it all...It was like they were totally disgusted but didn't want to be rude and say anything. All I'm saying is that it takes time and when you have no set plans...really, why would you? I won't mention someone in particular who hadn't showered on Friday either...shockingly, it wasn't me. The boys claim that they shower because it makes them feel good. My response to that is, not as good as my pj's at 3PM on a Saturday afternoon.

Maybe THAT is why we are still single...just a thought.

As a sidenote: I must say that you were all looking fabulous for not showering. At least we know how to hide it!

And, just incase you didn't know it, Jesus does love you.

Funniness

Aren't families the best? Obviously I am a bit biased, but my family in particular is pretty great. I love, love, love being able to spend Sunday afternoon/nights with my family. Sunday is no longer a relaxing day for me so by the time I pull up at about 4:45, I am more than ready to eat, take a little catnap, and see what we can come up with for a treat. My dad is probably the funniest man alive and him, along with other funnies make Sunday nights always unpredictable. This particular conversation will go down in the books. Poor Vel(my grandma), had to be a witness to the whole thing.

It started out by talking about bidets. My dad was saying that when he builds a house, he has got to have one. With the help of google, we discovered that $1700 can get you a pretty sweet one including a little bonus, the heated seat. Dream come true... This led to a conversation about his first experience with a bidet in Europe. He was sold the first time he used one. Then my mom chimed in with her first experience. She was in Europe and somehow thought it was for washing your feet. Not sure how you would come to that conclusion. This reminded me of one of my favorite stories about my mom. Picture her as a pre-pubescent teen, traveling with her school on a bus across the country. She somehow thought that if you were "horny", that meant you felt sick. She proceeded to tell a boy on the bus that she couldn't help it but she was "horny". Bless her little heart...

Anyhoo, this led to Mike saying that 1) he never uses a public bathroom and 2) he uses baby wipes instead of tp. What?? Do people really do that? I mean, honestly, it sounds delightful but it has never crossed my mind. He told me that once I try it, I will never go back. Pretty sure he might be right on this one.

ThAT led to the topic of men vs. women's plumbing. I won't go into details but let's just say that I learned way more than I ever wanted to about anyone in my family. This whole time, my poor grandma is sitting on the couch, speechless. She asked my dad to take her home right after.

We then proceeded to watch Ghosttown with a little girl scout cookie ice cream. Nothing like some good laughs to start out the week.

** I stand corrected. I just learned from the lovely Wikipedia that with a bidet, you can wash your feet but that it is also sometimes mistaken for a drinking fountain. sick. For more details and a little laugh, click here.