Does it get any better than THIS??

Bad dates really are hilarious. At the time, no, but after the fact, so classic....I wish I could claim this one...

A friend of mine went out to dinner with a friend who has always liked her. I think things took a turn for the worst when he said this:

"I could have made love to you and I think the two of us could have really had a lot of fun that way."

Yes, he did actually say that. I would have paid to see the look on her face.

Polygs.

A few weeks ago, my girlfriends and I went to St. George for a little weekend getaway. We couldn't help but notice all of the polygs down there. I came up with the brilliant idea that we should be sister wives for Halloween. It really couldn't have turned out better and I don't think I have laughed that hard in a long time. Tears, I tell you. Tears.

We spent the weekend at a cabin up north somewhere and the guys that we went with had no idea we were dressing up. The look on their faces while we filed down the stairs was shocking. Probably because we have never looked uglier. Case in point.


We had 10 wives and our friend Monique was the husband. It was amazing how a little makeup could turn her into a man.

As a sidenote, I would like to mention that one of the guys said I looked the worst. It was a real self esteem booster...

We stopped at Quiznos on the way up. The cashiers were scared of us and really weren't sure if we were dressed up or not.




Haylie won for the best hair. At first, it looked too good, so we had to make it uglier. This is what we came up with.


We did A LOT of laughing, followed by some stunts, a little football game, and a nature walk as evidence below. We also dressed up on Saturday night so the guys could see what a little makeup could do for us.











The winners.

The losers.

So.....

I had a blind date last night courtesy of my aunt and uncle. As I opened the door, I came to the realization that they must hate me.

It was real bad.

We talked about software, how Olive Garden has the best soup in the state, and about his 2 for 1 coupon that paid for my meal.

There was also a lot of silence.

I have never been more happy to be home by 8:30.

Please, no!

So, the above picture has nothing to really do with my post but I thought I could segway into my story about yesterday's event.

A few years back, when I first started doing marketing at my company, we were desperate.

Clearly, that is true from what you see above.

We were creating a brochure and needed a doctor. The photographer, who was actually legit, suggested that I sport the coat, and the stethoscope for this lovely portrayal. I had to laugh as I hadn't showered that day, and got out of bed about 20 minutes earlier. I hardly look like a doctor and we had to take about 20 pics because I kept laughing. So mature at the wise age of 24... Needless to say, they didn't end up using my photo. Geez, I wonder why???

Anyhoo, let it be known that I HATE doctors. Actually anything that has to do with a doctor which includes a clinic, hospital, ambulance, nurse, shots, pills, pain, etc. A few months ago, I got nothing more than a head cold. It soon passed and I felt fine but I still sounded sick. I had an occasional sore throat but I was starting to sound like a smoker. But, by far the worst side effect was snoring! Snoring has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves when trying to fall asleep and there have been many a night where I have cursed my dad as we shared a hotel room. I never thought that I would EVER be that person!

So, my mom finally convinced me to go to the doctor. First off, I couldn't find the place and I spilled my whole water bottle in my lap on the way there. Not a good sign. It probably wasn't doing me any favors as I walked into the clinic looking like I had peed my pants. The smell alone in there almost made me two step my way right back out.

When I was filling out the paperwork, I mentioned that I had cold-like symptoms, simply because you can't state, "sounds like a man when talking". That immediately got me a fun little mask to wear while I was there. How degrading is that??? I was tempted to take a big breath of air through my nose to show them that I really wasn't sick.

I finally meet with the doctor, and I've pretty much convinced myself that he's gonna diagnose me with lung cancer. What else could explain my persistent throat problem that has lasted 6+ weeks??

It doesn't help that I am sweating from the anxiety I have from being there. He starts checking all my holes with lights and poking me all over, apparently that is how they check for mono. At least that's what he said... Now that I think about it, that seems a little fishy. I truly felt bad for the guy when he had to feel my armpits and they were slightly moist, ya know, from the anxiety. Nothing a little rinse in the ol' sink won't fix. I figure, he's a doc so he's had to have seen worse.

He tells me to open my mouth as he shines that little light in there. His next statement was, "holy crap, have you looked in here?" I didn't know what that meant, but for sure it wasn't good.

My response was, "no sir, but pretty sure I've never looked in my throat before so I have no idea what I would be looking for."

Apparently my tonsils were HUGE! Enough that he told me it was most exciting thing he's seen all day. That's sad.

No wonder I've been sounding like a man! There was about 5 cm between them. He gave me some pills, told me to take them and come back in a week. If nothing has changed, dun dun dun, I'll be going under the knife. Hopefully my drugs will do the trick!




**I would like to personally thank Nancy for the horror stories she told me last night about her tonsil removal. It resulted from paranoia and no sleep. You're a peach.

"Just Friends"

Ever since we took Diego to Lagoon in August, I've been getting weekly phone calls about going bowling at FatCats with the girls. His dream finally came true Saturday night. When I picked him, he was looking very dapper in his dockers, plaid shirt, and sweater vest. I was greeted with a kiss on the hand ane he was very anxious about seeing the girls. Throughout the night, he felt the need to mention that we are all "just friends". It's a good thing he keeps reminding us!

Diegs had never met Kelli before and later told me that he thought she was a very cute, sweet girl. Such a ladies man...


When someone got a strike, Diegs would bump arms like this.



Seeing as it was conference weekend, we decided to have a sleepover that night, followed by some pre-confererenc breakfast.

If this hot chocolate was for sale, I would for sure buy it. Heather is totally selling it...


Sleazy Spizzy decided to lead us because when they stood to sing, we did too. I'll spare you the audio, it was not good...

All in all, it was a great weekend!

What a way to start a Monday

So, this morning I was at the gym. It was early, and surprisingly, I didn't mind being there. As I was on the eliptical machine, I noticed this cute little couple in their mid 60's working out together. I don't know what it was about them, but they just looked cute. They walked down the stairs about 15 minutes before I did. As I finished my workout, I headed to the locker room to wash my hands before I left. Imagine my surprise as that same "cute" lady was standing butt naked, facing me as I came around the corner. Really?? It's like she was waiting for me, right in my path to the sink. As I tried to recall, I'm pretty sure that upstairs, 15 minutes earlier, her workout was minimal at most. She definitely wasn't sweaty enough to justify a shower. I know it's a locker room but couldn't she have stepped into one of the stalls? The handi stall was for sure big enough to accomodate her nakedness...

She suddenly became not so cute.

On that note, I don't think I will ever be comfortable enough with my bod to just strut my stuff around a locker room and I don't understand how a lot of people are!It would be one thing if it was attractive ladies but it is ALWAYS done by those who definitely shouldn't. I know you know what I mean. As a 12-year-old swimming at Steiner, I never got used to it and call me immature, but I still am not.

Unfortunately, I don't hide my emotions well and I'm pretty sure she saw me dry heave as I walked by. It didn't help that I had music blaring through my headphones, so who knows what kind of sick sound I made.

I didn't think it could worse until I walking out and noticed that she was standing on the scale, in her GARMENTS. Again, really?? I think we all know there is a time and a place for those and a gym locker room DOES NOT fall into this category.

It's little wonder that people think Mormons are freaks.

Um.....yes please.

Well folks, after a long, fantastic summer, my fav show is about to start up again. October 21st is the big day and if this post and my previous post aren't enough to get you watching, maybe this dreamy picture of Tim Riggins will hook you.


I've said it before and I'll say it again. I promise you won't be disappointed even if the only thing you get out of it is feasting upon these chiseled abs for an hour.

Texas Forever.

It's day 1, and I am already dying

So, a friend of mine gave me this crazy idea to start this little 12 week diet. I am not doing it for the diet aspect, just to tone my not-so-fab areas. She has been doing it for a 9 weeks and not only does she love it, but she is seeing awesome results.

Enter me.

I bought the program about a month ago and have been putting off starting it. To be frank, a big part of my social life is eating out and this little program virtually eliminates that. I was having nightmares of sitting around a table with all my friends, salivating, all while sipping my water out of my trusty water bottle. I honestly can't think of anything more miserable. I decided to bite the bullet and start it today.

Let me paint a picture of how my morning went.

This little gem requires me to get up at 6, something I haven't done since high school. Normal people are supposed to down a protein shake and then head to the gym. I decided it was in my better interests to down a protein shake and head back to bed. As a side note, if the the taste of that protein shake was any indication of what the next 12 weeks is going to be like, the chances of me sticking to this are slim to none. I slept for another hour and then I had to eat again. Seriously?? I am not even hungry. I forced down a breakfast burrito which wasn't half bad.

Enter the water.

Let it be known. I am not a big water drinker. Sure, if I am working out, love it. But never ever would I just pour myself a tall glass of water. I have tried on several occasions to overcome this and I keep going straight back to my milk. I am now required to drink 4 LITERS of water A DAY!!!!!!

Does anyone comprehend how much that is?? I may as well just take my laptop to the bathroom with me. It is 12:30 and I have already been 5 times. It just seems so unnatural. It's like I always have the signal but I just hold it until my bladder is about to burst. My little water bottle just stares at me and every few minutes, I force myself to take a few swigs.

I am not kidding when I say I have never detested something so much.

I even googled to make sure it wasn't harmful to drink that much. Because I am pretty sure there was a story a few years back about parents who killed their child by making him drink too much water. All I can say is, Lord help me. This will for sure be my biggest task during the next 12 weeks. Hopefully it will all pay off when I become svelte with killer abs. I'll report back my results.

Wish me luck! Time to eat again!

Diego....our prince

Diego is a classic. We first met back in highschool and I hadn't been in touch with him until he found me on Facebook. Back in April, he wanted to go to Lagoon so I told him that I would get some friends and we would plan a day in August. I think I got a phone call once a week until August, reminding me that we were going. Here is a recent email I got from Diego after we went. I hope you can tell how great Diego is...

Alli , I just wanted to thank you for hanging out with me to Lagoon last night and it was fun , and we had a great time? i am very appreciated . i am glad i met your friends are Kimi, Monique , Nancy , Jessie, Missy, Elissa, and Jenny , too .
i like them very much because they are my new friends forever , of course . I am a Ladies' man because i like girls very much and i am very irresistible to women and i understand women so much . i liked the rides very much , my favorite rides are : Roller-Coaster ( with white trails ), Bumper Cars , Musical Express , Merry-go-Round like a Carousel , Tilt-A-Twirl , Dracula's Castle and Terror-ride . also Rattle-snake Rapids , too . remember i told you about because i am so brave to go to that Roller-Coaster like 2 times is twice though , too . Lagoon was fun and we all had a good time , and thank you for hanging out last night and i am so happy that you get in touch with me and thanks for calling me ? you are my favorite friend i met a very long time like since High School (Highland) for the past 11 years in 1999 , too . sometime we will go Bowling , maybe at Fat Cats is very close to my house , the Bowling is on 37th South and 9th East , of course . i will bring my own Bowling Ball Bag with my Bowling Ball inside , too .
you, me, and the girls will go Bowling sometime and we will eat Pizza at The Pizza Factory by Fat Cats , okay . Hey, remember we all can go to Disneyland until next summer of 2010 is next year , we all going to stay for a vacation like 3 , 4, 5 days . want to do that?! maybe Disneyland is in California or Florida , of course . we all stay in these Hotels there , there is no trouble at all though .
I want to thank you for hanging out with me to Lagoon last night , and you are really a good friend to me . sometime we will go to the park and play , i will give you and them more massages , all right . i hope you have a great week and take care and write me back , you know my E-mail address? it is ************** , okay . next time , you and the girls will come to my house and see me and my art workings , okay . bye-bye , Alli .

And yes, we all did receive massages from Diegs at Lagoon. He also let us know that he was only looking for friendship. It was a good thing he made that clear.

He is such a little tender heart and seemed to fall for both Nancy and Monique. Was I a little jealous?? Of course I was. How can you not love a guy who refers to you as his princess?? Here are some pics of our day.


Elissa claims she was still wet from Raddlesnake Rapids....pretty sure the White Rollercoaster had an impact on her. She's not fooling anyone...



The best part of the day was when we decided to get some Saloon pics. Diegs was loving every second of this and I think the pics turned out pretty fantastic.



If Diegs has his way, you'll be seeing another post next summer when we hit up Disneyland. The phone calls have already been pouring in!

If only we would have known.

Last night, I came home from work and Mike and I were watching the news. They were doing a story on how all the FLDS people were protesting in front of the Matheson court house about some land dispute. There were hundreds of them....everywhere. We started discussing the possibilities of us heading down to hang out with that crowd. I can already see it. The big poof, no makeup, the homely dress, I think I would probably fit right in. Can you imagine us hob-nobbin' with all the peeps? Conversations would be classic. My only concern is that they all seemed to know each other. Mike just said we could say we were new. If this little debate continues, you better believe we will be down there creepin around.

Oops!

So last night, I went to get a shake with my parents at Hires. I may or may not have said this to the waitress when she took our order.

"Can you please shit that for us?"

Shit, split. Same thing.

J to the ackson

So this picture pretty much sums up our vaca to Jackson last weekend. It was full of good friends, good laughs and good times. We stayed in Colter Bay in what they call "tent cabins". This is basically high-end camping for those who are too high maintenance to seriously rough it. My response to this was "yes, please." I would camp all the time if my tent was already set up, access to hot water is plentiful, and I can turn a light on in my tent.

Mike was our host and we totally doubled his work load by being there. I'm pretty sure on about hour 2, he was questioning the invitation.

Not only did he heat our tent at night but he was consistently bringing over left over scraps from his family's meals. All we brought was crap so it was nice to get something healthy every once in a while.

On Friday night, he was nice enough to take us skiing. Once again, taking five girls on the boat when you are the only one who knows how to operate it is a task. He gave me a quick lesson in driving so that he was able to ski on the glassy glass too.




On Saturday, we decided to rent one of those motor boats that has a top speed of about 7mph. We thought we would take it out, catch some rays, and do a little swimming. What we didn't realize was how difficult it would be to get back in the boat. She may kill me but this was too funny not to post.





No, we didn't bring our parapalegic friend, Jess was just desperate to tan the back of her legs.

After our two hours of fun, we took the boat back. As we pulled up, this old man approached us and asked why we weren't wearing our life jackets. I didn't know that we had to wear them the whole time so he proceeded to yell at us, asked if we thought it was funny, and told us next time he was calling the cops. I would like to see what a cop what have done....please.

That night, after an awesome rain storm, we had a fire and roasted things.



It was a blast, as it always is with these fun gals! I'm so glad that my friends are as random as I am and are always up for a good road trip!


Until next weekend...